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unexpected evening [Mar. 3rd, 2006|11:14 am]
[mood |gigglygiggly]
[music |california dreaming- the mamas and the papas]

i had the most fun last night.
so much fun.
I went over to Colin's house
and we sat around and did absolutely nothing
and it was wonderful.
he is great.
so funny. soo soo funny.
and so nice. one of the nicest guys i've ever met.
i'm glad i have people like him in my life.
they keep me going.

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turn on your xray vision [Feb. 16th, 2006|10:11 am]
[mood |crushedcrushed]
[music |tom petty-mary jane's last dance]

my heart hurts.
not like a heartbreak hurt, but like a lonely hurt.
and the funny thing is i'm far from lonely.
i've got friends who love me, they just misunderstand me.
they misunderstand my every intention-and i don't know why?
why would i want to do anything but put up my friends?
to love them, comfort them, and help them succeed.
don't they know that a best friend would never try to do them wrong.
at least, a good best friend.
that's all i've tried to be, the best best friend i can.
i don't know if it is just neurosis or what, but i feel mistrusted.
i feel like they don't believe anything i say.
and it hurts.
i'm the worst liar in the world, and i absolutely hate doing it.
so therefore...I DON'T.
i don't lie. there, i said it.
i feel that lying takes away your cognitive reasoning, and ability to function as a respected person.
it takes away your ability to make rational decisions.
because once you lie, you keep lying to cover that lie, and the next one...and the next one.
it's stupid and it's selfish and it's wrong. period.
i wish they believed me-soo much more than i could ever express.
it breaks my heart that they don't.
or if they do, they sure as hell don't act like it.
and it kills me-more than they will ever know.
can you please turn your xray vision on?
so you can see how my heart is breaking inside.

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where's the goddamn life preserver? [Feb. 14th, 2006|11:33 pm]
[mood |scaredscared]
[music |how to save a life-the fray]

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it's just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
And you begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you've told him all along
And pray to God he hears you

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you've followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he'll say he's just not the same
And you'll begin to wonder why you came

Where did I go wrong, I lost a friend
Somewhere along in the bitterness
And I would have stayed up with you all night
Had I known how to save a life
-the fray

i'm scared and all i wanna do is cry.
for the first time in so long i feel-vulnerable.
i feel lonely, and i know it's coming...closer everyday.
the blowout.
the end of an era. another lost friend, another lost soul.
i'm just biding my time..and it's misery.
i'm trying harder and harder everyday-and i'm getting tired.
and worn down. and bruised-not physically..emotionally.
so many have drifted out of my life...please please not her.
not my cookie.
she was there for me when everyone else walked out.
when everyone else simply turned around.
and i was there, with the door closed, locked out.
she let me in from the cold...and gave me a place to rest.
and i've rested...and i'm fine-but she's not.
and it kills me.
all i wanna do is hug her and tell her everything will be okay.
that everything doesn't have to be like this.
but instead, she's pushing herself farther away-everyday.
and that kills me.
i wanna save her...i wanna help her.
but i can't, and i've figured out that i never will be able to.
i'm a rescuer goddamnit! this is what i'm supposed to do.
but i've failed. and that scares me most of all.
i wanna save her life.
i want her to stay in my life.
but i don't know how....and it scares me.
all i wanna do is cry-and i cant.
because once again i've gotta be the strong one.
for her-and for me.
if i break now, then that's it...
i'm done for.

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so here it is... [Feb. 12th, 2006|09:48 pm]
[mood |disappointeddisappointed]
[music |walking with the ghost-tegan and sara]

i hate him.
i hate him because he hurts her.
i hate him because he hurts her, and she'll never accept it.
a million different excuses everytime...every goddamn time.
she knows what she's doing and it kills me.
she knows it isn't right, and doesn't care...which kills me even more.
my best friend in the entire world, my sister, and my partner in crime-drifting farther.
and it's all his fault.
i wish she would leave here and go FAR AWAY.
i would miss her everyday with everything i have.
but to see her leave him-would be worth all of it.
to see her go and do something with her life.
and to make something of herself and REALLY know what she deserves.
No. it's not jealousy. i promise.
ask anyone and they will wholeheartedly agree with me.
just ask anyone and you will know.
i hate him because he hurts her...and it kills me everyday.

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why'd you have to go and tell me what's goin on in your head [Nov. 26th, 2005|12:52 pm]
[mood |cheerfulcheerful]
[music |Karma Police-Radiohead]

College life is A-mazing.
I've met so many people whom i absolutely love!
Stan-Lee is probably one of the coolest people i've ever met...
Coffee boy is something else...
Jimmy is CRAZY!
But then of course, i have my beautiful best friends...
Court is growing everyday,
I'm so happy for her
Jake continues to make me smile,
as always :)
And Amber seems to be figuring out what she needs to do.
As for me, I'm doing just fine.
Looking forward to new years.
Jake and I are headed for Atlanta for the STS9 concert!
It should be such a fun night :)
I'm still searching for that something beautiful

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zee beech. [Aug. 12th, 2005|11:11 pm]
[mood |happyhappy]
[music |Blind Melon-Life Ain't So Shitty]

The beach was so much fun.
In fact it was borederline ridiculous.
I'm glad to be home though :)
Molly read my terot cards the other day,
looks like I've got some trouble up ahead.
But for now, I'm the happiest I've ever been.
I'm surrounded by people I love and that love me.
Life is good.

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whewee! [Aug. 3rd, 2005|02:40 pm]
[mood |excitedexcited]
[music |John Butler Trio]

I'm going to the beach tomorrow with court and jake :)
Poor court has to ride down there with her mom.
Joey and Molly are taking court's car
While Jake and I drive down in his jeep.
It's gonna be *SO* fun.
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If I haven't told you... [Jul. 24th, 2005|01:55 pm]
[mood |happyhappy]
[music |Ben Harper-Burn One Down]

For those of you that I haven't told lately....I love you all.
This summer has really opened my eyes up to new things and experiences.
My life has changed and will keep changing and I'm okay with that.
I've learned that every 60 seconds I spend upset is a minute of happiness I can't get back.
That people will leave you and hurt you and that I'll hurt people too.
That's just life.
College is just around the corner and even though I'm not ready for it quite yet, I will be.
The most important thing I've learned is that even if things aren't okay at the present time...they will be eventually.
And if everything isn't okay in the end....then it's not the end.

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(no subject) [Jul. 12th, 2005|03:31 pm]
[mood |satisfiedsatisfied]
[music |String Cheese Incident]

"You fall on me for anything you like
And you know I don't mind"

I'm getting a new car this week.
Well...a newer car.
I'm happy nonetheless :)
My poor little jeep has just seen better days.
Court and I have decided that going to Chatanooga every weekend is a must.
Jake is coming too.
I'm getting kinda worried about college since I have done nothing to prepare for it.
haha I know, surprise surprise.
Enjoying being currently unemployed, but I deserve it since I have worked my everloving ass off for the past 7months so I could save to take a break from working.
It's great not to have shit to do.
I miss my brother, I haven't seen him in so long.
I miss Mandee too, she called yesterday...it was so nice to hear from her again :)
Summer is so beautiful.

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California Dreaming [Jul. 5th, 2005|07:53 pm]
[mood |peacefulpeaceful]
[music |Flogging Molly-Drunken Lullabyes]

Wow. So I just got back from the beach.
Court and I had fun.
Sun and relaxation=Meg not wanting to kill someone.
Which is something new and different.
I am getting a new car and have already started collecting bumper stickers to plaster on it.
I bought an emily sticker that says problem child, a new sublime one, one that says "are you stoned or just stupid", and yesterday i bought one that says "not all who wander are lost"
Needless to say I love them.
Court bought a great one that says "I've tripped and I can't get down"
The story behind it is even greater than the actual bumper sticker.
It's rainy outside. boo.
Well summer rain actually isn't that bad.
I have found new love for Xavier Rudd-thanks jake:)
And I bought the best ring EVER at the celtic shop yesterday.
It's my favorite thing.
Summer's great isn't it?

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